How Much is Too Much?

 

If you are lucky you have at least one friend you can talk to about anything and everything.  It’s the one person in the world that knows your darkest secrets and your wildest dreams.  This is the friend you can call up at random and say , “Let’s go shopping for Elvis records at thrift shops!” and that friend will be at your door decked out in Saturday-Work-In-Your-Yard clothes, clutching a can of caffeine and saying, “Let’s do this!”

This is “your person”.  The one you can tell anything to and you do.  We all have those times in our lives that we can refer to as the rough spots and that’s when we call on our person more than usual for some one on one therapy sessions.   We need to vent, cry, seek out some sort of solace from the turmoil that is wreaking havoc in our life.  Your person has a duty to be there for you, to be your rock and to support you and lift your spirits.  If your person comes to you in their rough spot, you do the same.   Its an unspoken agreement between the two of you.   But…  is there is limit?   How much is too much?    Your person has a life too, they have their own things going on, their own worries and happenings.   If your “rough spots” are a constant theme, will your person be willing to stick around?   Most of us never admit it, but we all recognize when its too much.   We can hear ourselves constantly calling up and talking about the latest crisis and we just “know” that we are pushing our person away.  No one wants to constantly be surrounded by chaos and unhappiness.  

This is what I was thinking about this morning as the latest crisis in my life was going through my mind.   Do I share with my circle of friends ? ( I am blessed to have more than one )  Already they have listened for literally decades as my roller-coaster life played out before their eyes.  I’ve leaned on them a lot over the years and more than once I’ve pictured them rolling their eyes and thinking  “Here we go, another problem…”   Probably not true, as I tend to be overly dramatic and have some low self-esteem issues at times.  We are now at that age were the drama times should be totally over and the problems now are not so dramatic.  They are life changing and soul sucking and the last thing you want is to drag your person into the deep abyss that is your life.  Its at this point that you begin to sort out the events to share, being selective on what you vent about and what you simply keep to yourself.   I’m sure any therapist out there would be saying this is unhealthy behavior.  It is, and so is dumping all your issue on your person.   You need a support system, however, you also need to know your limits and their limits.  Friendships are not one-hundred percent good times and they are not 100 percent bad times, there should be a balance.  

So to my circle…  yes there are things going on.  No, I’m not telling you everything even though you encourage me to share with you.   I do this for our friendship.   You need to hear that my life is not all drama and pain and sadness and struggle, you need to hear the good things in between those hiccups that give my life flavor.    I need to focus on those good things as well to keep me sane, so don’t be upset if I don’t tell you a few things.   

You’re my people.  I love you and I know that if I need you to go on an epic-spur-of-the-moment-dash-to -store-for-mocha-frappes  run, you’ll be there by my side  ( well at least by phone since we are all long distance! )